I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
