therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
