I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
