After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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