How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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