she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
