Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
