vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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