I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
did i just pee glitter
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
