yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
