Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
