I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize