it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
