Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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