with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
do herpes really smell.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
