Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
