In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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