U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
