he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
