ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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