o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
