yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
