Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize