Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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