I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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