I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
