Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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