you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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