Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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