why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
