I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
