Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
