My Higher Power is John Stamos
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
