I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
