He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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