Me. At least after what I've been through.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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