just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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