Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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