Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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