I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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