apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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