They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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