Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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