remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize