He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
