Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
