then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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