so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
