hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
