Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
