There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
