Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
