Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
