I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
