Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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