guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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