If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
