Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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