Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
