Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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