The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
