here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
