i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
