i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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