remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just high enough for therapy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
