I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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