porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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