belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
