May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
